“Without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure.”
77 steps to a better life
Step 71. Don't eat turtles. Never touch a dead turtle.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 71 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 72 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 72. Don't eat crab. Never touch a dead crab.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 72 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 73 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 73. Don't eat sea urchins. Never touch a dead sea urchin.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 73 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 74 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 74. Don't eat halibut. Never touch a dead halibut.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 74 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 75 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 75. Eat oats every day.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 75 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 76 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 76. Don't eat reindeer.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 76 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 77 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 77. Watch Christmas On Mars.
When you reach this step you must watch the movie regardless of how many times you have seen it before. Just in time for its 25th anniversary as a band, The Flaming Lips released its seven-years-gestating movie seemingly to remind everyone why it was unlikely the Lips would make it this far in the first place. Ostensibly the story of Mars' first colonizers confronting psychosis and existential dread on Christmas Eve, Christmas On Mars hews closer to avant-garde deconstructions of narrative than the real thing. The main theme, as always, is confronting death and godlessness in a meaningless universe. "Cosmic reality, it's a real motherfucker," Fred Armisen announces. Crippled by low oxygen and their proximity to space's emptiness, the crew waits for a savior (or Santa Claus) that may never arrive. Keep practicing the previous steps until you are able to watch it. This step includes all previous steps except the other movie steps. After successfully completing this Step, you will have completed the Mongoland Cult Diet for 2009. Feel proud.
Dear Mongo: In Mexico, products containing turtle oil, or turtle cream are very popular. Are those okay ? Mongo: No.
Dear Mongo: I like to catch a crab, and then tease my sister with it, before releasing it. Is that okay ? Mongo: Yes.
Dear Mongo: I noticed that those Odwalla Berries GoMega bars contain cranberries, blueberries, flax, and oats. If I eat one of those for breakfast, will that satisfy the breakfast requirement, the blueberry requirement, the cranberry requirement, the flax requirement, and the oats requirement all at the same time ? Mongo: Yes, and if you sprinkle it with cinnamon and ginger before you eat it, you satisfy two more requirments!
