Step 29. Don't eat scallops. Never touch a dead scallop.
Scallops have 60 or 70 small blue eyes. This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 29 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 30 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 30. Take a B Complex B100 vitamin pill every day.
It's gonna make your urine turn yellow, and you should take it after a meal to avoid vitamin breath. If you forget to do this, you'll have to start the diet over from the beginning. This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 30 in a 24 hour period, proceed to Step 31 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 31. Don't eat ostrich or emu. Never touch a dead ostrich or emu.
This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 31 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 32 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 32. Don't buy, kill, hunt, or eat wild geese.
No goose liver pâté is allowed either. You may cook and eat a goose raised on a farm. This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 32 in a 24 hour period, proceed to Step 33 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 33. Don't buy, catch, or eat eels. Never touch a dead eel.
Watch out for sushi that contains eel. Don't eat it. This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 33 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 34 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 34. Think cranberry. Eat and/or drink them every day.
Cranberries can be dried, frozen and fresh. They are found in certain fruit juice drinks, granola bars, jam, bagels, breakfast cereal, chocolate, and more....even in capsules. If you miss a day without ingesting any, you'll have to start the diet over from the beginning. Think cranberry. This step includes all previous steps except the movie steps. After successfully completing Step 34 for 24 hours, proceed to Step 35 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01.
Step 35. Watch Monty Python's Life Of Brian.
When you reach this step you must watch the movie regardless of how many times you have seen it before. On a Midnight Clear 2000 years ago, three wise men enter a manger where a babe is wrapped in swaddling clothes. It is an infant called Brian...and the three wise men are in the wrong manger. The Life of Brian has regularly been cited as a serious contender for the greatest comedy of all time, and has had been accused worldwide of blasphemy. In New York, screenings were picketed by both rabbis and nuns while the film was banned outright in some American states. It was also banned for eight years in the Republic of Ireland and for a year in Norway (it was marketed in Sweden as 'The film so funny that it was banned in Norway'). Keep practicing the previous steps until you are able to watch it. This step includes all previous steps except the other movie steps. After successfully completing this Step, proceed to Step 36 the next day. If you fail on any step, start over the next day on Step 01 and when you get to Step 35 you don't have to watch the movie again.
Dear Mongo: At the seafood buffet, I intentionally passed by the scallops, and chose sea bass instead. The next morning I found a $20 bill in my shoe. What a surprise that was. Mongo: Cool !
Dear Mongo: I enjoy hunting and eating geese. What's the deal ? Mongo: Hunt something else, like ducks, or wild turkeys.
Dear Mongo: I noticed that those Odwalla Berries GoMega bars contain both cranberries and blueberries. If I eat one of those for breakfast, will that satisfy the breakfast requirement, the blueberry requirement, and the cranberry requirement all at the same time ? Mongo: Yes.
